《中国翻译》2007年第2期“译家译作”栏目上刊登了介绍“河姆渡遗址”的英语译文(第82页)。原文术语很多,所以翻译起来难度较大。译者为此花费了很多时间和精力来弄清其意思。该译文总体来说质量是很高的,达到了既忠实又通顺的标准,语言表达地道、流畅。但作为翻译的范文,笔者以为其中还有几处值得商榷的地方,在此提出,就教于译者和读者。
一、用法问题
1. They trace back to between 6000 and 7000 years ago.
问题:trace在英语中用作及物动词。该句应改为They can be traced back to between 6000 and 7000 years ago。这一用法问题比较普遍,如Hunan University is a key national university, whose history can trace back more than one thousand years to the Yuelu Academy.(湖南大学校园网英文网页)
2. The mortice and tenon joints unearthed here are present the earliest use of this type of joint in wooden structures in
问题:这句话中present 是否存在笔误?要么这句话的结构存在问题?
3. Scenes of life and work of the primitive Hemudu man who inhabited this area 7000 years ago are recreated by modern audio and video technology.
问题:这里的the primitive Hemudu man似应改为复数形式the primitive Hemudu men。而by modern audio and video technology中的介词by改用with可能更为恰当。
4. Among the multitude of findings unearthed are cultivated rice, wooden construction parts with mortice and tenon joints, and thousands of pieces of pottery and bone engraved with fine decorative patterns.
问题:bone为可数名词,这里似应改为复数形式bones。
5. It has an area of 26, 000 square meters and, consists of two sections: the excavated site and the exhibits of unearthed cultural relics.
问题:consist of two sections为该句并列谓语部分,不知译者为何用逗号与该句其他部分隔开?应该是笔误或印刷失误吧。因为这个句子本身并不长。在英语中一般只有插入语才使用逗号与正文隔开。
6. 我们知道,英语中的数字,每三位用逗号隔开。在该译文中,译者有的地方遵循了这一原则,如40,000和26,000。但有的地方又没有严格遵守这一原则,如7000、6000、3000。作为范文,还是应该保持一致。
二、译文的准确性问题
The major buildings cover a floor space of 3153 square meters and are built in the same architectural style of pile dwellings that the primitive men built here.
问题:译文中的数字与原文有出入。原文提到“主体建筑面积为3163平方米”,但到了译文中却变为3153 square meters。另外,“主体”似应译为centerpiece。
三、翻译技巧问题
1. The major buildings cover a floor space of 3153 square meters and are built in the same architectural style of pile dwellings that the primitive men built here. Dwellings of this style were built on stilts with the floor above the ground.
问题:依据原文及译者在注释中的说明可知,第二句Dwellings of this style were built on stilts with the floor above the ground是原文中没有而译者额外添加的信息。对一些译入语读者不熟悉的事物增加信息是翻译中常用的技巧,其本身无可厚非。但译者将其处理成独立句,放入正文中的做法值得商榷。我们知道英语有许多方法对一个事物进行补充说明,如放在破折号后,或放入括号里,或使用定语从句等。试译为Covering a floor space of 3163 square meters, the centerpiece is built in the architectural style of pile dwellings adopted by the primitive Hemudu men, that is, dwellings built on stilts with the floor above the ground.
2. The exhibition zone is divided into two parts: in one exhibition zone the exhibits are on permanent display and in the other the cultural relics are changed from time to time.
问题:该句的原文是“其陈列分为基本陈列和标本陈列两部分”。译者虽然讲清楚了两个关键术语“基本陈列”和“标本陈列”的定义,但作为翻译,笔者以为译者不需要使用完整的句子来予以界定,只需说明意思即可,不妨作如下处理:The exhibition zone is divided into two parts, one for permanent display and the other for the display of changeable cultural relics.
四、语篇处理问题
中译英时,经常涉及到分段问题,因为中文里有时一段话可以涉及到两个以上的主题,而英文中,一个好的段落一般只围绕一个主题展开。“河姆渡遗址”原文由两段构成,译文由三段构成。其中,译者把第二段最后一句话单独列为一段。这种做法值得肯定,但还不够。笔者以为,译文第一段偏长,至少还可以细分为两段。仔细分析原文第一段可以看出,从开头到“距今约6000 ― 7000年”为第一部分,介绍“河姆渡遗址”的一般情况;第二部分从“出土文物内容非常丰富”到段末为第二部分,其中“出土文物内容非常丰富”是其主题句。因此,译文中,可以把Among the multitude of findings unearthed are cultivated rice, wooden construction parts with mortice and tenon joints, and thousands of pieces of pottery and bone engraved with fine decorative patterns置于第二段的句首作主题句。当然,“河姆渡遗址大量文物的发现”一句在译文中还可以单独处理成一段,说明其重要性。如果译文在篇章结构上作上述处理,则会显得更加条理分明。